self-injury.net

Part of me says yes, and part of me says no. I know what deep down inside that this is wrong. This is my normal.  Im addicted now, though. I recently started to uncontrolably shake If I  do not cut. I don't mean to hurt other people. The part that says no is because I'm addicted to that burning feeling you get afterward, not the cutting. I'm the oldest child in the family, I'm suppossed to set the example. What kind of example is this? I feel so guilty for that.

Yes, I want to stop self harming myself, because not only am I hurting myself physically, but i'm hurting others emotionally. Very few people know that  I self harm, but sometimes that's all it takes to change your mind about it. I always put others before myself, and with self harm I can't really do that.. I make others upset and I make them suffer in despair. When I self injure, i'm putting me infront of everyone. I'm only thinking of myself, but at the moment, that's all I really need to do sometimes. I want to stop, but I know that it's hard, i've tried before and no success. I just know that when and if I do stop, that I won't have any way to cope with my emotions. I've read some of what others say, and I agree with most, yes it's "bad" and it's even worse for people that have to suffer through watching you do this to yourself but I also agree with people that said no to stopping because it helps, trust me I know it does, and I feel better when doing it but then there's that after feeling the next day realizing that all I'm doing when I self harm is putting my problems away and just making it worse when I have to actually deal with it, and I know I need to stop doing that or I know how bad things can get. I just don't know what to do about anything, or how to deal with it, or how to go about any of this. 

YES because later, im too embarrassed to wear a tank top in the summer. and now i have a daughter who deserves a better mother than what i had.
NO because without it, what do i have to help me thats effective on that level? nothing. without it i have nothing to get a break from "everything", and beyond that, i just simply love it. it sounds sick, but after i si i feel like i am a little kid again, wrapped in a big puffy blanket, right out of the dryer, right after walking in from a blizzard. nothing else can comfort me on a level like si.