self-injury.net

I thought I was going well. But then, after over a half year of half-functional relationship, I have some serious problems with my boyfriend and I'm doing it again. Not exactly the way I used to, but still. I just don't know what else to do, and in a way, everybody hurts theirselves in these situations, don't they? I just can't stand the thought it's all because of me and I feel like I'm seventeen again.

Relapsing is not just a step backwards, it' s being thrown back for almost a lifetime.

I think I might be able to pull myself together, at least from this. I haven't cut myself in almost 2 months. I had to stop or else I would lose my big brother, the one person who has shown me the most support. After my last relapse he told me I didn't want to get better, that he has tried his best to help me. This is the best I can do for now. Now that I don't have my razors around anymore I don't know what to do with myself. I don't feel like I deserve any credit for my "progress".
I spend a lot of time thinking about death. To me life is only an agonizing journey to grave. Pretty grim view, huh? I've got people telling me to stop thinking like that and my brother is scared that I might do something bad. They can talk all they want but they don't know how I feel inside. But despite this, I keep hanging on. Maybe things will turn around soon.

hello. i would just like to say this. get it out to the world i guess. for what reason? not sure.

Anyhow... I have been cutting for six years. i may seem stupid to whoever is reading this and i dont really care because i know the truth about myself. I was 14 when i started to cut. When i was 14 i had a boyfriend move in with me. i saw a movie on the channel lifetime about a girl who cut herself. and not right after but after this i tried it. and i experienced relief from my emotions. cutting became my way of dealing with sadness and anger. six years later and i still do it. i dont like to. i dont do it often. it is not something i can choose not to do. i am not blaming anybody. these actions are my own. however i wonder how i would have developed my coping skills had i not seen that movie at that age.

Now, i wish i could get help. I have no insurance to go to a therapist. i have told several people including a parent. and no one did anything. they do not understand it. i dont want to cut. i want to stop. but i cant.